i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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