Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
