so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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