ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
