Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
