Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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