If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
