mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
