Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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