Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
