i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
