He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
