"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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