dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
