I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
