but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
