I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
