I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
