Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
