How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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