Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
