but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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