I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
