ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
