the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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