Swine flu. Run for my life!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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