I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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