When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
