Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
