i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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