Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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