I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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