1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
