The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
