Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
