I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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