He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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