During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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