Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
