I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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