You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
