I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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