and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
