I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
