just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
