I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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