Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
