Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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