So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
