i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
