she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
