What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
