Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
