I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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